When the “No” Is a Relief: Reframe Rejection

Dearest Dreamers,

As we head into the fall, I’m wondering what little disappointments you’ve had lately. I’ll go first. Every year, I plan to attend our local zine fest. This is a wildly popular event and hosts hundreds of attendees, maybe thousands. But this year, I didn’t get accepted.

As creative people, we accept that rejection is part of the experience. If you want to publish a book, get into an art exhibit, or just do anything that requires putting your work in front of someone, you are going to experience rejection. I could have looked at that rejection in my email and gotten angry at the organizers, assuming they didn’t like my work (I know this isn’t true because I’ve been accepted in the past) or inventing a narrative about why they rejected me. The reality is that this is a big event; it’s growing, and they probably rotate between new and established attendees to make the event as diverse as possible.

In the past, I’ve really struggled with rejection. But lately, I find myself caring about it less. I have so many projects I’m involved with that I love. This year, I felt a tinge of relief. I can rest, I thought, and actually spend some time on other things that need my attention. Look at all that free time on my calendar!

Recently, I had a short story accepted that I’d sat on for a long time. In my head, I’d told myself there was no place that would accept this story. Then, I got invited to participate in a Texas writers’ anthology. I decided to send the story, knowing it was a good fit. It was accepted. So I decided to look back and see how many rejections it had, remembering it was a lot.

Friends, I looked at the rejections I’d received for the story and stopped dead in my tracks. I had only received FOUR rejections for this piece. Yet, I’d already written it off in my mind.

They say: Don’t self-reject. And that’s great advice. But I would add to it: Reframe rejection. If you start telling yourself a narrative about what you create and how it’s received, you’re already self-rejecting before you’ve even tried. Look at each rejection as an opportunity—to grow, to find new markets, to have space to improve, to rest.

See you in the new year, weirdos.

Write what you love, love what you write.

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